CS-Nation

Covering the future of Counter-Strike
kids cs
mailbag: kids cs
A very stupid question for this mailbag: What kind of features would you add to a children's only version of Counter-Strike?

Surprisingly, not a single entry even mentioned Michael Jackson. Now, I had been planning on almost every entry mentioning the man-beast because you teenie-boppers just love to watch CourtTV. There wasn't even a mention of R. Kelly!

So if you're wondering why this mailbag isn't funny, please blame your peers for not referencing to popular culture enough.
from: Ma$ter Farkha
i would add baby bottles that squirt different types of juices. Milk from a bottle would be like a colt. Orange juice for an AK. and a mothers tit for an AWP =)
Fine sir, if I don't go as far to say that a breast is already a deadly weapon! Ha ha! I'm so lonely that I would do anything to see a naked woman! Ha ha ha!
from: mistafluffo
hmmmm... Probably a bully model or a pointy "sword", maybe even a complain voice command like "Enemy pinched me!" or something close to it =]
Cool ideas. The bully can go behind the fat model and flick his ears over and OVER UNTIL HE CAN'T HOLD HIMSELF BACK. AND THEN THE BULLY GETS FLOORED. YEAH, MARK! EAT IT YOU BITCH!!!!!
from: Evil_Penguin
I would add ponies you can ride and they would not have guns because guns are not for kids okay? The ponies would be able to nay and you would collect horseshoes and if you choose to be a Terrorist you can take the ponies from the Counter-Terrorists because that is mean and something a terrorist would do, I know it is theft and kids don't need to be stealing but they need to learn it from somewhere jeez.
A very involved idea, and I love it! Although I don't think kids need to learn how to steal from anyone. Theft pretty much comes with the territory of being a kid. How do you think I funded all the invisible friend tea parties?
from: TheRustedDoobie
That's a pretty dumb question....this game isn't for "kids", and their fragile little minds get warped when they play violent games such as Counter-Strike. The last thing I'd do is try to conform this game to a little kid's mind, and I'd try to make sure these little hellions don't waste their time with this game. However, people like me, aged 16 or older, have already wasted enough with reading, writing, etc. and have nothing better to do than kill each other over the internet. Keep C-S for "mature adults".
Keeping CS for "mature adults" is kind of a losing battle. It's not like the chat in public servers is utilized for an intelligent discussion on Michaelangelo's mannerism art movement. No, no; us in the CS community are far more appreciative of the surrealism movement!
from: Twilight
For weapons? Household objects would be best. Controllers, skateboards, console systems for melee. For range? Kitchen knives/forks, dishware(bowls hurt more but plates fly further), not to mention the classic - a jagged rock. For your accessories? Pinesol as a chemical weapon, maybe a bug bomb as a combination nerve agent/smoke screen. As for players? Brother, Sister, Pet would be the "ct" side, and Teacher, *insert person in some generic dinosaur costume*, and a gerbil for the t. (why a gerbil? because)

That way, its both entertaining AND informative.
Add an "Uncle that's not allowed to babysit" to the Terrorist team and we've got a hit on our hands!
from: Jett
A spoon.
Slim-fast would probably be a better idea. Man, kids these days are so fat! I drove by an elementary school recently and I couldn't even find a suitable target. What's a kidnapper to do?
from: GameHopper
Id replace the AWP with a rainbow colored AWP to let kids know early that AWPs are for fruits.
Are you saying that AWPers are golden? There's always a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow!

I am far too clever for this world of mortals.
from: Daniel Gould
Elmo with Rubber bands!!!!!

and a dildo, but don't tell the kids what it is :D
Don't you watch Dateline NBC? Kids know everything about sex! Stone Phillips says half of all forth graders will perform a Franklin Tickler for a Sacagawea dollar coin.
from: orphy
Carrot sticks. That's right. I'd like to bludgeon someone over the head with a giant carrot if I was a kid again.
Carrot sticks for the CTs, and string cheese for the Ts. I like it!

And instead of C4, we should have stuffing. You know, like Thanksgiving. I used to gag when I ate that stuff, and my guardians didn't give a damn. "EAT IT, IT IS HEALTHY FOR YOU," they yelled from their toothless mouths. That's when the Great Stuffing Riot of 94 began.
from: DogOfWar
Screw this question. lets talk about the goddamn awp "improvement". Valve is retarded.
You're so right!

The next page of the mailbag will consist entirely of feedback on the recent Steam update of CS and CS:CZ.

Read on, folks!